I am sick and tired and I am tired of being sick and tired. I take one step forward and there is always something that takes me 10 steps back. Honestly is it easier to just quit and accept my fate that things are not going to change, or keep going until I come out of this storm. Some days I really wonder if there is an end in sight. I wonder if I am ever going to say its over! Its my time now!
I have been unemployed since Janurary. Between Janurary and now, I havent even been given so much as a whisper. What is going on? Am I applying for all the wrong jobs? Are my expectations too high or too low? Are people not hiring? Is my name just too complicated for them to pronounce so they dont bother to look at my resume at all? I mean what is it? Is it racial? ARe there really no jobs out there. I dont get it! I apply for a job, I get the "We are sorry although you are qualified for this position we found someone who is more suitable for the job" However you go back days later and here is the job posted still hiring. So what is the deal? I can't take it no more!
You go to school, pay obscene amounts of money to get a college education, you take all the right classes get all the right grades and you come out of college with your bright shiny degree with bright hopes, thinking you are going to have all these jobs thrown in your face that it will even be hard to choose. 3 months go by nothing..You stay hopeful and just say to yourself it usually takes 6 months, 6 months roll by, you are getting antsy but you still remain hopeful, next you know its been almost a year and not even a phone call to say, we want to interview. What is going on? Is it really because of the bad economy or are companies just refusing to hire you! I know I am not alone and I know there is an end in sight, but when bill collectors dont care, and in order to survive you still need to buy food to stay alive so you can keep applying for work but at the end of the day you spending money you dont have, bills are going un paid, bill collectors hounding your ass like they depend on your money to pay their bills and depression seems to be your new best friend.
When will this end? How will it end? They say going back to school is the best option, but how do you go to school if you can't even get a loan because you dont have a job and your credit is probably jacked cus you can't pay your bills. I mean its a catch 22. Its easy to say life sucks but it doesnt, just everything in it that sucks! God help us! We need a break and we need a break fast!!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Frustrations!
Am I too picky? Are my expectations too high for myself that it is not unattainable? Should I settle for less just so I can say at least I have it or should I still aim high and hope something works out sooner than later although sooner seems to be later these days. I keep hearing this over and over and over again, " At least its better than nothing" " You have to start somewhere" I know! I Know!! But honestly why should I settle for less if I can have it all? It might take me a little longer but I will get there!
Here is what I believe. I graduated from high school almost 8 years ago, with good grades,Got me into University, did alright there and graduated with honors...4 years ago. I up and moved to the States, Didnt have the greatest job in the world but it was better than nothing and now I am back here with some experience under my belt. Maybe not the best of experience but enough to put me one step ahead of the high schoolers and university students. I am going back to school in the fall to get a certificate which will make me even more marketable and need I say qualified for even a better job. I haven't worked in 7 months, I know people who havent worked in a year but then all I get are rejection letters upon rejection letters...bills need to be paid and they are being paid but at the bare minimum...Fortunately I have great parents that understand my struggle and are willing to help me till I can do it on my own. At 27 I really dont want their help but unfortunately I need their help. I pray its not forever but right now who knows when forever will end.
However, It may seem like I am too proud, or I feel I am better than others but I believe that after paying 10s of thousands of dollars to get a university degree, even more to pay for a year of an mba and going to invest a little big more to get a certificate, I should not have to settle for a job, flipping burgers, or running groceries through a register or telling young teenagers that they should choose the blue top over the yellow top even though I know well and well they are going to chose both because daddy is paying just so i can say I have a pay check coming in! Dont get me wrong, I am not waiting for a job in my field before I accept a position or I am not waiting for a 6 figure job before I get back in the work field but I still do not think I should lower my standards just so I can have a pay check, A pay check that I will never see because, 3/4 of it will go towards transportation to work, and the other 1/4 will go towards paying for my lunch or dinner when I am at work. I mean at the end is it worth it?
People keep saying ohh at least its a pay check at least you have a job, I mean it wont be forever so why dont you just do that until something else comes my way and I mean I could, but the question I ask these people( and I am sure they will lie because they dont have to worry about having to go through this) is " If you were in my shoes, will you flip burgers? or run groceries through a cash machine after working for at least 2 years in your field, making decent money just so you can say you have a job?" In my opinion if you do choose to do that, then I say, you dont think you deserve better and you dont think you will get better. Times are rough people are struggling, the job market is even more competitive than it used to be, but do you have to lower your standards drastically just to get a job? A job you will quit in a matter of days because you absolutely can't stand it even though you are getting a pay check? Seriously I want you to think long and hard before responding? I know your answer will be no in your head because I know a few people who are in my shoes struggling just like me and they feel the exact same way I do, They refuse to go for that minimum flipping burgers job because they believe they deserve better. Trust me if you go what we are going through you will do the same!
So please, I understand you are concerned about me and you want me to have a job, but dont tell me to lower my standards just to have one. I will take the receptionist job because through there I can be promoted to something else, or instead of the Business Analyst position I want, i will take the jr analyst position just to get my foot in that door I might even take the secretary job working for the president just so I can get my feet wet, I will even be the assistant manager at old navy but dont tell me to be at cash ringing stuff through the register or dont ask me to flip burgers. If you wouldnt do it, dont expect me to. And if you choose to do it, then thats on you...but I am not you!
Here is what I believe. I graduated from high school almost 8 years ago, with good grades,Got me into University, did alright there and graduated with honors...4 years ago. I up and moved to the States, Didnt have the greatest job in the world but it was better than nothing and now I am back here with some experience under my belt. Maybe not the best of experience but enough to put me one step ahead of the high schoolers and university students. I am going back to school in the fall to get a certificate which will make me even more marketable and need I say qualified for even a better job. I haven't worked in 7 months, I know people who havent worked in a year but then all I get are rejection letters upon rejection letters...bills need to be paid and they are being paid but at the bare minimum...Fortunately I have great parents that understand my struggle and are willing to help me till I can do it on my own. At 27 I really dont want their help but unfortunately I need their help. I pray its not forever but right now who knows when forever will end.
However, It may seem like I am too proud, or I feel I am better than others but I believe that after paying 10s of thousands of dollars to get a university degree, even more to pay for a year of an mba and going to invest a little big more to get a certificate, I should not have to settle for a job, flipping burgers, or running groceries through a register or telling young teenagers that they should choose the blue top over the yellow top even though I know well and well they are going to chose both because daddy is paying just so i can say I have a pay check coming in! Dont get me wrong, I am not waiting for a job in my field before I accept a position or I am not waiting for a 6 figure job before I get back in the work field but I still do not think I should lower my standards just so I can have a pay check, A pay check that I will never see because, 3/4 of it will go towards transportation to work, and the other 1/4 will go towards paying for my lunch or dinner when I am at work. I mean at the end is it worth it?
People keep saying ohh at least its a pay check at least you have a job, I mean it wont be forever so why dont you just do that until something else comes my way and I mean I could, but the question I ask these people( and I am sure they will lie because they dont have to worry about having to go through this) is " If you were in my shoes, will you flip burgers? or run groceries through a cash machine after working for at least 2 years in your field, making decent money just so you can say you have a job?" In my opinion if you do choose to do that, then I say, you dont think you deserve better and you dont think you will get better. Times are rough people are struggling, the job market is even more competitive than it used to be, but do you have to lower your standards drastically just to get a job? A job you will quit in a matter of days because you absolutely can't stand it even though you are getting a pay check? Seriously I want you to think long and hard before responding? I know your answer will be no in your head because I know a few people who are in my shoes struggling just like me and they feel the exact same way I do, They refuse to go for that minimum flipping burgers job because they believe they deserve better. Trust me if you go what we are going through you will do the same!
So please, I understand you are concerned about me and you want me to have a job, but dont tell me to lower my standards just to have one. I will take the receptionist job because through there I can be promoted to something else, or instead of the Business Analyst position I want, i will take the jr analyst position just to get my foot in that door I might even take the secretary job working for the president just so I can get my feet wet, I will even be the assistant manager at old navy but dont tell me to be at cash ringing stuff through the register or dont ask me to flip burgers. If you wouldnt do it, dont expect me to. And if you choose to do it, then thats on you...but I am not you!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Get it together!
So Mary, This blog is for you. Its an open letter to you so enjoy!
Dear Mary,
I haven't been inspired much lately to blog. I haven't had much going on to blog about and quite frankly I am tired of my "woe is me" blogs so I figured until I have something better to write about I wont blog for awhile.
Anyway I just got off facebook after listening to a young ladies video blog and in fact it got me inspired. She was talking about how women are so quick to say men are dogs and there are no good men out there. However, she believes differently. She said, she believes there are a lot of good men out there but the problem usually is the woman. What are you putting out there? What is making you attract all these undesirable men. I mean as a woman if you say you want a man who is good looking and works out with a nice body, do you work out and have a good body? If you claim you want a man with a good job with good credit and is financially alright, you as the woman do you have those things together to attract such a man. So before we get up and claim all men are dogs and we can't find a good man, what are we putting out there to attract those men and that we need to love ourselves and put the right image out there before we can find that special someone. So it had me thinking, I am soo quick to look at my situation and say i have no luck and nothing is going my way and basically woe is me! I realise that everything going wrong in my life may be because of the image I put out there. What am I doing wrong that is attracting all this negative vibe and my problem is I give off a wrong vibe. For example my girl called me today. Haven't spoken to her since i left maryland and we were chatting. Mind you she and I are going through the exact same thing. We used to work together in DC and we both quit on the exact same day because we realised this job was going no where and she just graduated from her masters still has no job but her attitude is a lot more cheerful than me. She is upset that she hasnt found a job but at least when i picked up the fone it wasnt "ohhh I hate my life" Here I was "Ohh my life sucks, and I have no job, and no man" I mean thinking about now, had I been in her shoes I probably would have rolled my eyes and said get it together its not the end of the world!
I think its finally time I re-evaluated my life and stop complaining about why everything is wrong and start looking at what i can do to make it right, changing my image, believing in myself and praying that everything works out. I mean can't even blame men for not coming up to me. Obviously my facial expression tells them everything they need to know. Much more when I open my mouth and speak. So I am taking a vow to change my attitude towards life, to make the changes I need to make to put out positive vibes into the world and just have a better attitude towards everything.
Dear Mary,
I haven't been inspired much lately to blog. I haven't had much going on to blog about and quite frankly I am tired of my "woe is me" blogs so I figured until I have something better to write about I wont blog for awhile.
Anyway I just got off facebook after listening to a young ladies video blog and in fact it got me inspired. She was talking about how women are so quick to say men are dogs and there are no good men out there. However, she believes differently. She said, she believes there are a lot of good men out there but the problem usually is the woman. What are you putting out there? What is making you attract all these undesirable men. I mean as a woman if you say you want a man who is good looking and works out with a nice body, do you work out and have a good body? If you claim you want a man with a good job with good credit and is financially alright, you as the woman do you have those things together to attract such a man. So before we get up and claim all men are dogs and we can't find a good man, what are we putting out there to attract those men and that we need to love ourselves and put the right image out there before we can find that special someone. So it had me thinking, I am soo quick to look at my situation and say i have no luck and nothing is going my way and basically woe is me! I realise that everything going wrong in my life may be because of the image I put out there. What am I doing wrong that is attracting all this negative vibe and my problem is I give off a wrong vibe. For example my girl called me today. Haven't spoken to her since i left maryland and we were chatting. Mind you she and I are going through the exact same thing. We used to work together in DC and we both quit on the exact same day because we realised this job was going no where and she just graduated from her masters still has no job but her attitude is a lot more cheerful than me. She is upset that she hasnt found a job but at least when i picked up the fone it wasnt "ohhh I hate my life" Here I was "Ohh my life sucks, and I have no job, and no man" I mean thinking about now, had I been in her shoes I probably would have rolled my eyes and said get it together its not the end of the world!
I think its finally time I re-evaluated my life and stop complaining about why everything is wrong and start looking at what i can do to make it right, changing my image, believing in myself and praying that everything works out. I mean can't even blame men for not coming up to me. Obviously my facial expression tells them everything they need to know. Much more when I open my mouth and speak. So I am taking a vow to change my attitude towards life, to make the changes I need to make to put out positive vibes into the world and just have a better attitude towards everything.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
What to say
I haven't blogged in awhile, probably because I haven't had much to say, however I seem its necessary I say something so once again, I am going to have my random thoughts segment.
I am watching cribs right now, Why do they find it necessary to show houses that look crappier than mine?
Ikea, greatest store ever made, however the whole assembling thing is a bit annoying. Why dont they ever add words to the assembling? Sometimes the pictures dont make sense.
Pigeons, Pesky little things. Can't stand them! Even with out fake owl, these hardcore pigeons dont fear!
Facebook...Gossip book rather...seems like the only reason we have facebook pages is so we have something to gossip about! It hasn't stopped me from going there though.
Money. I love money but since I dont have any I dont get why we need it! Why can't we live in a world free of money and everything we needed and wanted is free!
Michael Jackson in my opinion is the greatest musical genius ever to walk the face of the earth. In death though people now realise his worth.
Happiness...I dont remember the last time I was unbelievably happy. Right now I can't even tell you what would m ake me unbelievably happy. I am not sad though, just not unbelievably happy.
Friends. Why do we only know who are true friends when we are going through stuff? why can't we realise our true friends when all is well?
Crushes. I have a crush on a guy...a guy who has a show on the food network. I dont know his name and I am pretty sure he is married...I dont even know if the show is based in Canada, the U.S or somewhere in Europe. He has a Spanish accent and his dimples make him soo hot!his show is not that great but he looks sooo good i watch it. Plus a man that can cook is a winner in my book anyday! anyway...I think i am gradually switching my interest to non black guys...might work out for me in the end.
The world is becoming a scary place! First the air France plane, then the washing metro crash, the plane from Yemen, Michael Jackson, my cousin in law Patrick, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, The orkin man,Steve mcnair...and the list goes on! Why now? what is going on? I believe we need to increase our prayers and ask God to see us through this!!
I am watching cribs right now, Why do they find it necessary to show houses that look crappier than mine?
Ikea, greatest store ever made, however the whole assembling thing is a bit annoying. Why dont they ever add words to the assembling? Sometimes the pictures dont make sense.
Pigeons, Pesky little things. Can't stand them! Even with out fake owl, these hardcore pigeons dont fear!
Facebook...Gossip book rather...seems like the only reason we have facebook pages is so we have something to gossip about! It hasn't stopped me from going there though.
Money. I love money but since I dont have any I dont get why we need it! Why can't we live in a world free of money and everything we needed and wanted is free!
Michael Jackson in my opinion is the greatest musical genius ever to walk the face of the earth. In death though people now realise his worth.
Happiness...I dont remember the last time I was unbelievably happy. Right now I can't even tell you what would m ake me unbelievably happy. I am not sad though, just not unbelievably happy.
Friends. Why do we only know who are true friends when we are going through stuff? why can't we realise our true friends when all is well?
Crushes. I have a crush on a guy...a guy who has a show on the food network. I dont know his name and I am pretty sure he is married...I dont even know if the show is based in Canada, the U.S or somewhere in Europe. He has a Spanish accent and his dimples make him soo hot!his show is not that great but he looks sooo good i watch it. Plus a man that can cook is a winner in my book anyday! anyway...I think i am gradually switching my interest to non black guys...might work out for me in the end.
The world is becoming a scary place! First the air France plane, then the washing metro crash, the plane from Yemen, Michael Jackson, my cousin in law Patrick, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, The orkin man,Steve mcnair...and the list goes on! Why now? what is going on? I believe we need to increase our prayers and ask God to see us through this!!
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