Journey

It's been a long day and yet my day is far from over. I never though this day would come and yet I saw it coming. I knew it was going to happen no matter how many times I postponed it. It's like knowing your fate and yet still trying to find ways to prolong the the process. Though I did not want this day to come, I am not sad. I actually feel fulfilled. Like my purpose has been served. My chapter has come to a close. Its scary yet exciting at the same time. My needs, my desires, my goals haven't changed I still want the same thing but right now, I am at peace with where my life has taken me. Not necessarily the path I had chosen for myself but its okay. For some reason I strongly believe that though its not where I was headed, it was where I needed to go.

I've been up since 7:30 this morning and it just seems like the day flew. One minute i was kissing and playing with my nephews in Maryland the next I was lugging my heavy bags down the busy streets of Manhattan! I kept repeating to myself " I really need to learn how to pack light" I might be the only person who feels this way but I never know what to bring along with me. My friends have teased me for years about my inability to pack light but now I am beginning to realise that my indecisive ways of not knowing exactly what to bring my land me in hospital with severe back pains if i continue to travel this way.

My day had been going pretty okay...seemed like everything was falling into place till I got to port authority and found out that my tix to Canada was no longer valid and i had to dish out an exuberant amount of money for a new tix! Of course I was upset about it but I managed to convince myself that it was better to have dished out the money than to wait till I actually was boarding the bus and was told that I couldn't board the bus and risk missing the bus and being stuck on the streets of Manhattan for the night with no place to stay. Now that would have been upsetting. Instead, I have paid for a tix with money I don't have but at least I am sitting comfortably on a bus on my way to Toronto.


I think my time in Maryland was worthwhile. A lot happened while i was there yet, nothing happened at all! I finally realised that even though i do have people i love and care about there, i could live there even without them. Of course I would miss them dearly but I realised that my love for the states didn't have to do with family and friends but just feeling like i was somewhere I belonged. Somewhere I felt at home even when I had no money in my pocket and had absolutely nothing to do.


I grew up in Maryland. I matured. I opened my eyes to a lot of things around me that i previously was blind to and most importantly I came to a decision about something I was holding back on. I know its not going to be the same but its okay because I had to do it for me and no one else...

So as I journey back home, I think to myself...is this life? Or is it just the beginning?...